Listening

We went 8 days without the binky. I tend to be somewhat extreme with decisions like this and tow the hard line. So once we gave up the binky, I thought that we could just plow through and Luca would eventually move beyond. Well, the naps have been a huge battle. It is has been horrible. Lots of taking things away, time outs, and yelling. Luca is a tough kid and does not make discipline simple. I realized that the binky is a sleep cue for him; that it settles him. Without the binky, he has been manic, running around, growling, and gong through all of our things on our dressers. He dumped everything out of my jewelry box and then broke a piece of it. The last few days, I have been feeling like this is not worth it. I just thought that after a week or so, Luca would be used to life without the binkies, but in actuality, it has only become worse. He is more sleep deprived than ever because he has not napped in 8 days and has not made up for any of the sleep at night. Today, Luca was particularly upset when I put him down for his nap. He was wailing and was inconsolable. I felt like this was torture and began to wonder why we were doing this to him right now. Maybe he is not ready to let go of the binky. Maybe I'm not ready either. Sometimes, I get caught between doing what we are "supposed" to do according to pediatricians, books, and the general population of mothers and doing what is right for the child. Today, I felt like I was infringing pain on my child. Luca was so incredibly sad and I knew that a tiny piece of plastic was just the thing that could turn him around. I called our pediatrician's office and spoke with the Nurse who is awesome. She tends to be a bit more on the organic side of parenting and affirmed everything that I was feeling. She did recommend to limit his use of the binky which I thought was a great idea. I was running downstairs as we were getting of the phone to the bin of old bottles and binkies. I pulled out the orange binky (Luca's favorite) and washed it so that it would squeak (he loves that). I ran into his room and held it up. He immediately smiled and said with pure joy "my binky!" He put it in his mouth and before I closed the door he was sucking furiously and almost asleep. Complete affirmation. As a mother, I am constantly making decisions for these three little beings. Of course, I try to balance advice from the doctor, what I hear from others and read, and my own intuition. Today, Luca's sorrow was palpable and I knew that I could fix it so easily. If only all of my kid's problems were that simple. At least I know that listening might just be enough sometimes.