Missing

As we begin to finally paint our little home and I am thinking about what we are going to put on the walls, I am looking back over pictures of us. I want to fill the walls with pictures that remind us of times in our lives that made us take a breath. I love to surround myself with the moments we wish we could just sneak back to for just a second to feel, smell, be in that place again. I went downstairs to pull up some pictures of the Duomo in Florence that we took on our trip in the fall of 2006. Of course, I could not stop looking at pictures of Sofia who was 21 months and Luca who was about Silvio's age. I just can't believe how much they have changed in such a short time. Brian and I watched a short video of Sofia and tears just poured down my face. She was a baby, babbling and toddling as she walked. Now she is a little girl who talks about her feelings and tries to help mommy take care of Silvio. I just want to slip back to that moment on the train in the picture where she just sat on that fold out bench and gazed out the door as the Italian countryside slipped by. I want to twirl those sweet curls and smell salty skin. My first little baby is growing up so fast. At bed time the other night, Sofia caressed my face and ran her hands through my hair. She then pulled me in to a tight squeeze and whispered, "I love you, Mommy." I just wanted to stay there forever. I hope that reveling in the moment as long as I can will allow me to remember the feeling. I know these moments are fleeting, but I look forward to all of the delicious snuggles and whispered words ahead.

Resemblance

I think it is amazing how my children all seem to resemble each other yet look do different. So many people have varying opinions about who looks like who in our family, but I am amazed at how each and every child emerges so differently because they are such unique souls. The way Sofia gazes off with her big, brown eyes that just pierce you. I just know she is so incredibly wise, true to her name. The way that Luca scrunches up his nose when he laughs, bursting with joy and light. Silvio, with his sweet smile is so excited by the world around him. He is full of awe and tenderness. Each little being may come from us, but will take on this world with his or her own extraordinary way.

Tough Times

We are having horrible bed time battles. At one time, I used to walk out of the bedroom with a sweet and soft "good night" and I would not see their darling faces until morning. We could not be any further from that. Once Luca started to climb out of his crib (and cut open his chin one time), we were forced to move him to a toddler bed, better known as his "big boy bed." Well, I think we should call it the "run back and forth to the door bed." That is what Luca does every night usually whining a "I need something" as he darts back to his bed. He plays this game with us for up to 2 hours. It is brutal. All I want is an end time to my day. Needless to say, this stay-at-home-with-three-kids job is pretty darn tough and I am just exhausted and in dire need of some time with my own person. And I am not getting much of that at all these days. We have become angry and taken things away and we have been extremely calm and silent while putting him back in his bed. Nothing seems to work. I know that boys are kinetic, that he may be going through some sort of developmental thing. I just want it over. A few months ago, we decided to put Luca down in our room, in the other crib. That definitely worked for a while, but we need our room for the Nug, so it was never a long term solution. Oh the woes of living in a 900 square-foot house with three kids. Yes, I do think that separate bedrooms would solve this issue on some level, but that is a useless thought. I dream sometimes of that third bedroom or that garage that can actually accommodate a minivan, but I am unwilling to give up a life in the city. No way Jose; we love it here. So we will get through the struggle of our small space and a tiny bedroom that will soon fit all three kids. That is the plan, but I have this crazy feeling the Nug might just be in our room for a while. Just a hunch. For now, I am frustrated and done. Luca is giving us some crap right now and I know this stuff is everchanging but sometimes when you are so deep in it, it is hard to see out of it. He is whining, screaming, tantruming all of the time. I know, he is acting exactly like a two-and-a-half-year-old, but that does not make it any easier. I just want to walk out of the room and shut the door and breath a huge sigh of relief, knowing that my day is over. Now I walk out and wage my bets on how many times I will shut that door for the following hour or two. Sometimes it is five times, sometimes twenty. Nobody said having three kids in four years would be easy. It is not even remotely easy, but ya just do it. Every day. I get up and do it. I just hope that end part of my day gets simpler. At least I know Luca won't be doing this when he is 15, right? Phew.

Zoo Adventures

My in-laws came out to visit and to be here for Steffie's wedding. It was so nice to see them and for the kids to spend some time with Grammie and Grandpa. We decided to go to the Zoo one morning and Rich and Robiny were so kind as to buy us a membership. Yay! The kids loved seeing the giraffes and gorillas especially. They were most excited about the carousel and Sofia was delighted that she got to ride a kitty, her favorite. Luca is happy to ride a "horsie that goes up and down." The kids seemed to loose interest fairly quickly, so we need to go back to see the rest of the zoo. We had a wonderful time and are thrilled that we can now go back whenever we like (thank you Grammie and Grandpa!). We are so sad that they live far away but look forward to our next visit!

Boys

My mother-in-law, Robiny came to visit us recently. During that time, we tried to split the kids up a bit so that they could have more one-on-one time with us. One day, while I was off swimming with Kristen and Annika, Brian and Robiny took the boys on a cable car. Luca loves cable cars and talk about riding them often. They had a great time. I love seeing all of "my boys" together. It is so amazing that Brian has these two sweet boys who look up to him. Luca absolutely loves his daddy and always wants to do what he is doing. Silvio will try to catch Brian's attention from across the room and lights up like I've never seen him when daddy is around. Well, I am not surprised since Brian is the most incredible father I know. We are all so lucky.

Bathing Beauty

Seriously? Could a baby be any cuter in the bath or just afterward wrapped up in a ducky towel? I just want to eat him up and I think this picture captures my little schnuggums perfectly. He loves the bathtub (a true Aquarian!) and will sit for 20-30 in the tub every night. I love that special time with him, since it is one of the rare moments we have time without the other two kids running around. Silvio just splashes around, knaws on his hand, and makes lots of cute sounds. It is such a sweet time of the day and I try to revel in his loveliness every night. He is not a mamma's boy at all, I know. I love it.

"Help me make a circle!"

Luca must say "Mommy, help me make a circle" about ten times a day. He wants me to help him make a circle with his train track. Like a true boy, Luca loves to play with his trains. Thanks to Grammie, we now have a few bridges and tunnels, which are his favorite part of the track. Luca can play for hours with his trains especially after Grammie made the best track configurations ever. Now, I am a total failure at the circle because nothing compares to Grammie's awesome loops. I continue to try every day to build a better track, but I pale in comparison. I'll keep trying. We actually have a song based on Luca's continual whine. It goes a little something like this: "I can make a circle, you can make a circle, we can make a circle, together, together." We are lyricists over here, didn't ya know? Well, I got a few shots of Luca and his trains.

Looking Back

I was browsing through pictures and stumbled upon some shots from a year ago. We were still living in Oakland, preparing for our move and for the arrival of the Nug. I was shocked by how much Sofia and Luca have changed. They have grown so much and are more like little people and less like babies. Sometimes I wonder where the time is going and I remember what my father has always told me, "Time only goes by faster and faster... you just wait." He is right. I am desperately trying to hold on to my cuddly babies. I know that they are growing fast and soon enough won't let me kiss their sweet necks and won't giggle when I blow on their bellies. I try to remember every day. Looking back at these pictures reminds me that indeed time does fly.

There were three in the bed...

I love getting all three of my babies together. It is a rare moment indeed when they are still enough for a quick photo. Silvio is getting so big and he is just full of smiles and laughter. He is a sweet, sweet baby and I am trying desperately to eat him up every chance I get. Sofia adores him and gives him kisses and snuggles constantly. Luca, on the other hand, doesn't seem to notice him most of the time. I think that may change soon enough. Brian and I love seeing all three of them together. We cannot believe that we created this family. We are so grateful even if it is overwhelming. Brian always remembers this moment in Italy that perfectly captures the essence of how we feel. We spent Christmas of 2000 with my family in Pontedera, Italy. At one point in the night, Mario, my grandfather's cousin, looked around the room that was full of children and grandchildren and said to Brian " Non ci posso credere che casino che abbiamo fatto. Che bello!" Translation: "I can't believe what chaos we created. How beautiful!" Of course it sounds better in Italian, but the feeling of it was so real. Although we did not have kids at the time and could not possibly comprehend the magnitude of such a feeling, Brian always remembered that moment. He now can fully understand what Mario meant and we both connect with that sentiment constantly. We look at our three children and think "Wow. We created this!" We created these little babies who bring lots of chaos but even more love into our lives.

All Dressed Up

On Thursday, July 3 my sister and Dave got married. Of course, Sofia and Luca were part of the wedding. I mean, who wouldn't want darling kids in their wedding? Stefanie and I had a wonderful morning full of primping and even Sofia got in on some girl action at the nail salon. Stefanie looked gorgeous (duh) and Dave was handsome and nervous. Sofia was so excited to finally get the chance to wear her princess dress and carry her flowers in "Auntie Steffie's wedding!" She has been talking about the wedding for more than two months and has continually asked "is it July yet?" Now Sofia talks about getting married and asks is either she can marry Daddy or Luca. We are trying to explain how that may be a problem, but she insists that "it's okay to marry Luca, Mommy." She will figure that out soon enough. Anyway, the day finally came, and she could barely hold herself together. Sofia could finally be a princess in Auntie Steffie's wedding and she was ridiculously adorable. Luca was another story. He wanted nothing to do with his tuxedo. After some time, Brian was able to convince him to put it on, and he raced off to play with the soccer ball that was thankfully left in the adjacent garden. What would we have done without that darn ball? Once the wedding began, Luca walked straight down the aisle with his "special pillow" without the rings (he can't totally be trusted with platinum) and Sofia followed with her gorgeous flowers. She got about half way down the aisle and chose the first open seat. She sat there delicately, looking very proud of herself. My Aunt Veda and I coaxed her into coming all the way down to her seat in the front. we all had a quick laugh before the beautiful bride made her entrance. And she was stunning. The day was perfect and the wedding went off without a hitch. We laughed, we cried, we breathed deeply, and we danced until there was no more music. It was perfect.

BBQ

Luca loves anything barbeque. He loves to eat BBQ and loves to pretend he is barbequing. For some reason, Luca and Sofia have decided that the bathroom floor is the grill, oven, and cook top. So anytime they are pretending to bake or barbeque, they bring all of their ingredients to the bathroom. At least they are imaginative, right? Sofia always has to have "handgloves" on while she is pretending to cook. She has watched Daddy grill many times, and wants to protect her hands from the heat. Smart girl. Sofia also know how to boss her brother around, so she insists that Luca wear "handgloves" too so that he won't get burnt. This particular day, Sofia apparently needed her purse and sunglasses while she cooked. She seems to have learned that accessories are very important at all times. Sofia definitely did not get that from me. They were going to town that day with the grill and were obviously planning a feast. At least Luca likes to eat food from the grill whereas Sofia just likes pretend that she is cooking but makes it clear that she does not like barbeque. Maybe some day they will cook for us. They definitely are getting some practice on the bathroom floor.

Hangin' with the Boys

Last weekend, we decided to drop off Sofia with Nonna, so she could have some time "just the girls." Not only does Sofia need some well-deserved one-on-one time, she absolutely loves to spend time with Nonna. She was so excited to look at Nonna's make-up and listicks.... boy, are we in trouble. She is only 3 and a half, and the girl is obsessed with make-up. Anyway, Brian and I thought we would enjoy some time with the boys. Luca loves trains and talks about riding trains constantly. The other day, as we were passing Glen Park, Luca suddenly exclaimed "I want to go downtown and ride the BART train!" I could not believe that he had remembered the BART station since the last time we went on BART was quite some time ago. His memory is amazing, especially for trains and anything mechanical, for that matter. So that morning, we thought it would be nice to head downtown with only 2 kids, and only one that is mobile. (It is amazing what seems easy these days).
We headed to the station and took BART. Luca was thrilled to see the BART trains passing and kept saying "oooooooohhhhhh, I see the BART train!" I love his enthusiasm. We went downtown and walked to the Farmers' Market at the Ferry Building. Along the way we stopped to watch an incredibly talented percussionist who uses common things for drums. Luca was in awe of the beats and stood for quite a while. He grabbed my hand as we watched the drummer and I took a moment to take in the warmth of my sweet son's hand, the smell of the water, the noise of people walking by, and the beautiful city that we call home. I breathed it all in and felt full of gratitude. This little boy who is so kinetic, was taking a moment to hold his mommy's hand. I revel in those small moments I have with these incredible little beings because I know they are fleeting. I try to take it in and be present. My little Luca is such an amazing child full of wonder, curiosity, love, energy, and sweet moments.