And so we begin

I seem to have forgotten how to blog recently. I don't know where I lost it, but I sure did. Maybe it was the fact that I have 3 growing children and recently got my real estate license. Who knows. But we are about to embark on a new chapter in our lives and felt like I needed somewhere to explore all of the emotion behind this journey.

Tomorrow, Sofia begins Kindergarten at Harvey Milk Civil rights Academy. She has her backpack packed with a set of extra clothes, a folder, and some crayons. Her new outfit is sitting on her dresser, sparkling pink and ready to be worn. Her lunch box now has her name written in permanent black marker on the bottom because she may not have a teaching parent there who know that the polka dot lunch box is hers.

Tonight as we snuggled, we talked about tomorrow and she told me that she was a little bit scared. She asked if I could stay for the first day since that would make her "feel more comfortable" and did not seem to understand why I could not be there. Sofia is so ready is so many ways to learn, to grow, to be a big kid, but she is still my sweet little girl, sensitive to my own feelings. I think she can feel my own anxiety, my own fear that I too might be crying as she walks away for more time away from me in almost 6 years.

We had a back-to-school picnic today at her school and found out that she is in the same class with a few girls from Miraloma. She does not know any of them well, but I think she feels more at ease knowing someone's name in her class. She also met her teacher, who was very sweet with her. I was so glad that we had spent this whole day at school, so that Sofia might just feel less anxious as we head over to school tomorrow. I also really liked the parents and both Brian and I feel very comfortable in the community. I think we chose the right place for all of us.

And so we begin our school journey tomorrow. We are now parents of a child in elementary school and it all feels so grown up. Even though, we have been anticipating this moment for so long, I still can't believe that I will send her off tomorrow and I can't just hang around and chat with parents in the classroom. My little girl is a kindergartner and I want to hold on. I am having a difficult time trying to write what I feel, but I am crying. I remember her as a baby, so sweet and so little. I remember her darling curls as a toddler and how she would bounce around the house. She is almost 6 and she is such an incredible little girl. She tells me she loves me all of time and tells me that she is so grateful. I am grateful for my sweet Sofia. I will watch her walk away tomorrow and enter into a new part of her life, a little more independent, but I know that she will run out back into my arms. I will hold on.

Decisions Part One

This whole kindergarten process has been so intense, so stressful, and downright awful at times. After what seemed like a hundred tours to nightly discussions, we feel like we have had several decisions made. I always knew we would apply to a few Catholic schools as back up options. The public school system is so crazy here in the city, so we had no idea where we would get in or if we would even get one of our seven choices. I felt like we had to consider a few other schools.

After touring about 5 Catholic schools, I knew I like one the most. Notre Dame de Victoires is a small school nestled on a busy street downtown. It is very French, with daily French lessons and a sweet little Frenchy uniform. I have always known of the school as a somewhat prestigious place where many kids go on to some of the best high schools in the city. I guess I kind of liked that too.

We applied and after two separate assessments, we found out that we were accepted. It felt like we got our first parent award. As if some one was saying, "good job raising such a great kid!" I was shaking when we found out, wondering if we could ever afford the tuition. We had to put down our $1000 deposit within 5 days of finding out and 5 weeks before we found out what public school we were assigned to. I really did not like this part. How could I make a decision without all of the pieces?

After many intense dreams, many conversations with Brian and my mother, we decided that NDV was indeed the right place for us and that we were going to make it work. I am going to work and we will make more money and we will be able to pay $900 a month in 5 months. Let's do it.

But some strange, sinking feeling began to form in the pit of my stomach. I am not an optimist. My glasses are clear. I try to see things as they are and hope that I will continue to move forward. I don't like to rely on hope for something that is not clear to me today. So, I felt uncomfortable committing to a school that we could not actually afford. Once all three kids are in school, NDV would cost us over $2100 a month. Ouch. Could we say college tuition? Could we say Disneyland for a month every summer? That and then some.

But really the question is, "is it worth it?"

To be continued...