I feel like I have absolutely zero patience these days. I had no idea that being a mother would require so much patience in every second of every day. As most people know, I have never been known to be a particularly patient person. Luca potty training continues to be a disaster and it is so hard no to blame all of this on me. He is so incredibly defiant and wants nothing more than to challenge us constantly. I know that he is a typical almost three-year-old boy, but that does not mean that I blissfully accept that truth every day. Rather, I feel full of frustration and anxiety and can't seem to find that tiny atom of patience that may be lurking somewhere deep inside. I try to take time to myself (and Brian is always willing to help me) as often as I can which helps. Each child is trying to define his or her place in our family. I feel for each of them every day and wish that I had more individual time with them. I try to tell myself that I am doing the best that I can, but I still feel a pit in my stomach when Luca lashes out at us. How would it be if we just had him? It's useless to ask those questions, but I can't help it sometimes. Sofia, Luca, and Silvio are such amazing little beings and I want to give them each all that they need and deserve. Sometimes I feel like I fall short of that, but I face each day with an open heart and mind. I just might fall short on the patience, but I try.
