After feeding Silvio until I was completely empty, I suddenly felt the need to feed him some formula. I had been thinking about introducing formula but I was feeling so guilty about giving up. Everyone know that "breast milk is best" and I put so much pressure on myself to feed him only breast milk as long as I could. Was this the end of breastfeeding for me? I truly thought that this baby would be the "strong nurser" that I had hoped for. At first, I thought that was the case since Silvio was a champion as soon as he was born. As the days passed, he became increasingly unhappy after he finished nursing. We soon discovered that he had reflux, so we immediately began to give him the appropriate medicine. He slowly improved but never loved nursing and was never soothed by the breast. In the last few weeks, I began to feel like he was hungry after his feedings and I was worried about my production. Now, this isn't entirely new to me, since I have worried about my supply with each of my children. I just felt different this time. Silvio is my last little one and there is a tenderness in knowing that he will always be my baby. I wanted to give him my best...which in feeding translates to breast milk. I was also concerned that a dairy based formula may hurt his delicate tummy because of the reflux. Well, that one day, without discussing it with Brian, I gave him a bottle of formula and he downed it. Brian was relieved that I had finally reached the point of letting go; of letting go of the guilt, the pressure, the feeling of failure as a mother. This stuff is so darn hard sometimes. Now, Silvio drinks a lot more than I am producing and is so happy. I am still breastfeeding and I will continue as long as I can. I am trying to follow his lead which is not always easy as a mother. Silvio is such an amazing little guy. He is full of smiles and laughter. He is getting his first tooth and gnaws on his hands constantly. The Nug is definitely happy. And so is his mommy.
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