And this too shall pass

I have heard from many parents that boys can be more difficult than girls but I never dreamed that it could be this intense every minute of the day. Luca is incredibly strong-willed, defiant, independent, and often devious. He has tantrums that are so filled with emotion and energy; he literally thrashes his body around and screams at the top of his lungs. And they last for a few minutes and often up to a half hour. I worry that he might hurt himself, or me. Luca has resorted to hitting, kicking, and spitting at us when he is in the throws of a tantrum. It is infuriating, exhausting, and frustrating. Some of our worst moments are in public when Luca growls at other children and then runs from any time I try to have a talk with him about his behavior. He sometimes runs from me on the street and those are my lowest moments where I feel powerless and responsible. I try to stay calm but it turns to yelling and he finds that hilarious. He has run into the street twice and I've never been so terrified in my life. That is not okay. Brian and I both find ourselves at a loss with Luca. I have never felt so defeated and so much like a failure. We try time-outs and taking things away, but nothing consistently works with him. We have even tried sticker charts and rewards to no avail. He fights us with every transition, every task of every day. I try not to take it personally when he lashes out because I know he is desperately trying to be understood. I sympathize with his placement in our family as the middle child and feel guilty that he has never had our undivided attention. More than anything, I feel like I naturally compare him to my compliant "pleaser" of a child, Sofia. She has moments of defiance but ultimately, she listens and loves to help us in any way she can. She also snuggles and loves on us every chance she gets which makes up for so much these days. Just tonight I tried to cuddle with Luca before bed and he suddenly moved and smacked me in the face and then kicked my head. I just wanted to cry. Why is this so hard? I have never felt this saddened by mothering. Luca is such an amazing child with a fierce sense of purpose and independence. He is a smart kid who will grow up to be a leader, full of hope and light. I try to hold on to what I believe will come because all of these qualities are those which any parent would only hope for in their child. For now, I hold on to the ever-so-famous quote, "and this too shall pass."