True to her name

Our little girl is quite the old soul. Sofia basks in her girlness in every way she can from glitter glue to flowered tights. She loves every single thing about being a little girl. Sofia is also wise beyond her time and slips little phrases, simple thoughts that often surprise Brian and I. The other day during a typical dinner where neither Brian nor I sit for more than a minute at a time, Sofia was talking quite a bit. We have this ongoing problem with both Sofia and Luca, where they use an incredibly loud voice to say everything. It is terribly annoying and no matter how much we ask them politely to use a "softer voice" they still shout. Maybe it is because we have 3 small children in a a small house, so they feel like they need to yell to get our attention. That is fair enough, but I can't begin to describe how grating all of the yelling can be in our tinymhouse. Anyway, that evening Sofia began to talk about our family. She looked at me and said thoughtfully, "Mommy, we all need to take care of ourselves. You have to take care of yourself and Daddy has to take care of himself." She continued to talk about Luca and Silvio and herself. Sofia has this way of using her hand when she speaks (I wonder where that comes from...). It is quite hilarious and extremely cute. She is so expressive and enthusiastic when she speaks. This night in particular she used her hands as usual, and her loud voice to say something so intuitive and reflective. I am in awe of her wisedom and how she continues to live up to the true meaning of her name. She is a teacher, a listener, and my sweet little glittery girl.

A year full of Nug Love

Last Thursday we celebrated our little Nug. In some ways it is hard to believe that Silvio is one, yet this year has been incredibly challenging. Silvio decided that he was not into the whole scheduled birth thing and made his entrance exactly 9 hours before he was expected. My water broke on February 5, 2008 around 6:30 PM as I was getting Sofia and Luca ready for bed. My in-laws had just flown in that day and I had pasta on the stove. I thought maybe I had a little accident, but I knew exactly what happened. Brian was taking a nap on the couch, so I ran over to him, put my hand on his shoulder and whispered, "my water just broke and we need to go to the hospital." He opened his eyes and just stared at me for a second, as if he needed to take a moment to take in what I had just said. Within 10 minutes we were in the car, on the way to CPMC for an emergency C-section. I began to have contractions that were becoming increasingly stronger. I was a bit excited to feel labor for the first time, but I was also relieved to know that I was going to have the baby within a few hours. The car ride felt long, as I was drenched. I had no idea that once your water breaks you continue to leak and leak and leak. That was crazy. We got to the hospital and a rather unfriendly nurse dismissively said, "well, we need to make sure that you didn't just pee." Are you kidding me? I know I had never gone through this before, but give me a break. Anyway, my contractions were becoming a bit more intense and I could not talk through them. I just needed to breathe. I could not help but wonder what would it have been like for me. I wanted to have Sofia naturally. I took a natural birthing class and held ice for long periods of time in preparation for this moment. Part of me really wanted to experience a natural birth and I have had to grieve the loss of that possibility. My little girl was breach and I did not have a choice. I was just thankful that Silvio decided to come on his own terms and let his mother feel her body working in a new way. It felt good.
Then my surgeon walked in. I was trying not to panic because my OB was not going to deliver me. That is one of the perks of the good ol' scheduled C-Section; you get to have your doctor do your surgery and I have sought out an amazing surgeon, a technician. So here I am with a new doctor late on a Tuesday night who is trying to figure out which scar to use for the surgery (for some reason my old OB did not use the same scar...bummer). She put her hand on her hips and said, "Look, I had 2 C-sections and I wished that someone would have done a a tiny mini-tuck for me, so that's what I am going to do for you. Is that okay?" Uh, yes. So I began to relax a bit, knowing that she was going to take care of me (and my saggy belly).
I had to wait for quite some time for an Operating Room and for my new doctor. She had another emergency C-section before mine, so I was wheeled up to the door and then was forced to wait in a room. My sister, and mother were waiting excitedly in the waiting room and Jen arrived in time to hang out with me before I went in. It was so nice to have her there this time. She is such a dear friend of mine, so it meant so much to me that she could be there when Silvio arrived. Within a few minutes, I was rolled into the O.R. by myself. So that is what they DO NOT tell you before a C-section; that you go in alone to get your spinal and then about 20 minutes later your husband can join you. At least I was prepared this time for that, but I was not prepared for my spinal to hurt so terribly. I almost jumped off of the table. OUCH! Within a few minutes I began to feel the anesthetic and my legs went numb. I took a deep breath and tried to take it all in, knowing that this was most likely the last birth I would have. Brian finally came in and we anxiously awaited the moment Silvio would take his first breath. I cannot begin to explain how much I love that moment...when this tiny being enters this world. That moment is frozen in time for me. I have never felt so full of love, like I did those 3 incredible days. This time would be my last at 11:11 pm. Brian and I have always thought that 11:11 was special and we would kiss any time we would catch it on the clock. Now, our little Nug gracefully entered this world at exactly 11:11 and has only made it a more special moment in the day. I am blessed, I am grateful, I am a better person for that moment, when Silvio came into our world and became our little Nug. Happy Birthday Silvio.

Good Day

Every time I enter in my code to the gate at Miraloma (Sofia and Luca's preschool), I take a deep breath. I immediately find Moira's (Director) or Hala's (Teacher) eyes, searching for any remote sign of disappointment. Luca has not been doing well with the potty traning and we have found ourselves at a total loss. We don't really know what to do but we refuse to go back to diapers. Consequently, we are left with somewhere between 3 and 10 accidents in a day. Nothing says I feel wonderful like wiping poop 10 times in a day and then cleaning the underwear in the sink. It has been brutal. Sofia was such a dream, so I have been completely blindsided by how incredibly difficult this whole potty training thing could be. I try not to blame myself (yeah right) for all of this; we did push Luca really hard to potty train before he was ready. I just thought it would take longer but I thought it would eventually happen. Not so much. Luca is the most strong-willed child and fights hard when he feels any pressure at all. Naturally, he is fighting the potty like a champ. Brian and I both feel like we need to release all of the energy around the potty (that sounds awesome) so that he will feel comfortable and in control. At the end of my day after 10 accidents, I have a very hard time being patient. I am trying. But today was a good day. I walked in to school with my heart pounding a bit as usual and met Hala eyes with a smile. She told me that she felt like Luca was "getting it." She feels like he is adjusting to school and is beginning to listen more attentively. Hala has been the perfect teacher for Luca. She is a potty training pro and always gets Luca to go without a fight. Hala has a a great way with him and he feels safe with her. I am so grateful for that. I am trying to surround Luca with tons of positive thoughts and affirmation. I know he really needs that right now. He has such a strong spirit and finds ways to amaze me every day. I know that we will have so many more good days ahead.