I feel like I have absolutely zero patience these days. I had no idea that being a mother would require so much patience in every second of every day. As most people know, I have never been known to be a particularly patient person. Luca potty training continues to be a disaster and it is so hard no to blame all of this on me. He is so incredibly defiant and wants nothing more than to challenge us constantly. I know that he is a typical almost three-year-old boy, but that does not mean that I blissfully accept that truth every day. Rather, I feel full of frustration and anxiety and can't seem to find that tiny atom of patience that may be lurking somewhere deep inside. I try to take time to myself (and Brian is always willing to help me) as often as I can which helps. Each child is trying to define his or her place in our family. I feel for each of them every day and wish that I had more individual time with them. I try to tell myself that I am doing the best that I can, but I still feel a pit in my stomach when Luca lashes out at us. How would it be if we just had him? It's useless to ask those questions, but I can't help it sometimes. Sofia, Luca, and Silvio are such amazing little beings and I want to give them each all that they need and deserve. Sometimes I feel like I fall short of that, but I face each day with an open heart and mind. I just might fall short on the patience, but I try.
1 comment:
You are such an incredible mother, woman and friend. It is so hard to do what you are doing. None of us is perfect, but you are filled with a nearly perfect amount of empathy and compassion for your little ones, and they feel that. I wish you could extend the same to yourself! They will always challenged mom the most, because mom is most important (no offense, dads; you guys are just as important but they test us more. They just do). All we can do is try to breathe. Did you see that great quote on Gillie's blog? Check it out! Love you!
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