Four Years

Sofia is 4 today. I cannot believe that my first little baby came into the world four years ago. I keep thinking about that morning when I waddled into Labor and Delivery to check in for my C-section. I was scared, excited, anxious, and overwhelmed with emotion. My family was there to hang out with me before I went into the Operating Room. After a few hours of waiting, it was finally time. I had always envisioned myself being rolled into the OR, but I actually waddled my way into the room and hoisted myself onto the table. I had thought that Brian would come in with me, but they made him wait outside while they prepped me. I was terrified. You mean I have to go into this cold, bright room by myself? We were both stunned. I sat there quietly as I got my spinal which hurt a bit then they laid me down. I began to feel the affects of the anesthesia and my legs began to tingle. Within a few minutes, I couldn't move my legs and i felt like someone was stepping on my chest. I began to panic because I felt like I could not breathe and I did not know when the hell Brian was going to join me. Then I began to feel nauseous and really thought I was going to loose it. Just then, Brian finally was able to come into the OR and he immediately saw the sheer terror in my face. He was as terrified as me, since he had walked into the OR just as they had actually begun the surgery. I told him to talk to me so that I didn't have to think about what was going on with my body. Within 5 minutes they told us that the baby was almost out. Brian and I braced ourselves for the most amazing moment of our lives. Dr. Matthew then said, "Daddy, do you want to see what the baby is?" Brian stood up, a moment too soon and his face twisted...the baby was not out yet. I was staring at him, eagerly awaiting to know the sex of our little baby. Brian's face lit up and he smiled the most beautiful fatherly smile and said "it's a girl." Sofia immediately began to cry, and my heart filled with such love and joy. I could feel the energy pulsating through my body. This sweet moment changed my life in ways that I could not have imagined. In that moment, I met my beautiful little girl and I became a mother. Over the last four years, I have learned more about myself than I did in the 28 years prior. I have learned that patience is necessary, that hugs are incredibly healing, and that "I love you" can make your body shiver in the most amazing way. I never knew that becoming a mother would allow me to become more of myself and give me the opportunity to heal the deepest, darkest places. I never knew that my sweet little girl, whose name means "wisdom" would bring such harmony to Brian and I. Four years full of tears, sweat, mess, and pure joy. Happy Birthday, beautiful Sofia.