Forever

When Sofia and I are snuggling, she and I have conversations about various things such as the events of her day, her friends, and her favorite things. Almost every time we are close, she says to me "Mom, are you going to be my Mommy forever? Because I really want you to be my Mommy forever." I melt every single time. Sofia is such a sensitive, loving child who is never afraid to share her feelings. She is expressive and intuitive, absorbing the emotion and feeling of every moment. I am amazed and inspired by her openness and willingness to love freely. Sometimes, she struggles with her friends because she is hurt so easily when one of them may not want to play with her. Sofia really loves her friends and cares so much about them. She has begun to draw pictures for her friends and often wants to give away some of her special treasures to her dear friends. I am proud of her in so many ways, of the little girl that she is becoming. I am eating up every moment that she curls up in my arms and tells me that she loves me. She is the sweetest girl. I am so grateful for the opportunity to be her Mommy forever.

Time Away

I am still recovering from our trip and the time difference that is causing the kids to wake up between 4:30 and 5:30 every day. So, ee just got back from a 10-day visit with Brian's family in St. Louis. The kids were so excited to spend time with their cousins- all four of them! Austin is 16, Alyssa 14, Maverick is almost 13, and Kira 4. Sofia was more than thrilled to have time with Kira to play dress up and pretend to be mommies and babies. We had a nice time visiting, besides the stomach flu that hit all of us. That was not fun at all. I have never had the stomach flu, so I was a complete mess and was grateful that Brian had already been through it once it hit Sofia, Luca, and I so I was able to rest a ton. Sofia and Luca were up most of the night and were incredibly tired the next day. They even put themselves down for a nap which was a first. We soon recovered and returned to the lake to kayak and swim with all of the cousins. We also spent some time in the city of St. Louis with Brian's friend Jason, his wife and my friend, Toni and their darling two children, Cole and Sadie. We had lots of great family time and finde ourselves wishing we lived closer. We have so much in common with them and feel a deep connection. It was so great to have spent so much time with them. The place where we stayed was so serence and beautiful, nestled in the heart of a great neighborhood in St. Louis. I wish we had so more time to explore the streets lined with brick houses and tiny alleys. It truly is a beautiful town.
I am still tired and felt like I needed to blog. I think I might have more to say and reflect upon soon. For now, I wanted to share some pictures and a few thoughts :-).

Ebb and Flow

As soon as I feel like thing are getting more manageable, we fall back into a similar place. Or so it seems. We had days full of "good listening ears," successful potty action, and cooperative play followed by days full of time-outs, sibling fights, and "No, that is NOT the answer!" Sofia has a way of arguing with me if she does not get the answer she is looking for. I know that this is all typical behavior of a 4 and a half year old, but that does not make any less annoying. Again, I wish I had an unending amount of patience, but I don't and I struggle to get through my day without loosing my mind.
A week ago, at our monthly school meeting, we had a parent education portion that focused on strong-willed children. I think I have 3 of those, so I was ready with pen in hand to absorb any and all ideas and suggestions. They talked about temperament and emphasized how intense strong-willed children can be. Um, ya think? Sofia and Luca are both off of the charts when it comes to intensity (I wonder where they got that from). They have moments when they are intensely joyful and intensely upset. I feel like our house can be full of extremes throughout the day. There is a ton of laughter, squeals, screaming, stomping, and "squeezy hugs." These presenters went on to say that we as parents cannot get into battle with these kids, but rather, we must have clear consequences. If we decide on a consequence for a particular behavior we have to follow through, or as one woman put it, "die on the hill." I often regret the consequence I give as soon as it comes out of my mouth and then I find myself renegotiating the parameters of that consequence. I know this is not the best parenting and always regret backing down, especially with Luca, my most extreme strong-willed child. I tend to do fairly well at discipline because I have a background in education, but I feel like as a parent, you have to have an arsenal of tools in order to deal with all of the circumstances that arise. I am learning that Luca always needs me to get down on his level and get close to his body so that he will look me in the eyes and can focus on my words. Often, I am in the middle of a diaper change with Silvio or a clothing negotiation with Sofia, and I will yell a command from the other room which he will never listen to. Then I am frustrated. Luca cannot process words spoken from afar. He needs focused, calm, stern delivery of directions with clear consequences. It goes a little something like this: "Luca, I need you to clean up your trains at the count of 3 or I will have to keep them for the day. Do you hear my words?" and he responds, "Yes, Mommy." For the most part he listens when I have the chance to be there with him. Luca is a really sweet kid who has a ton of energy and strong will. I am learning to navigate all of these moments, one at a time.
Now girlfriend is a whole other story. She is talking back and throwing herslef around when she does not get exactly what she wants. Oh dear. My stomach actually turns when she says something like "MOM, I do not WANT that, did you hear me? That is NOT FAIR!" She is 4 going on 14 and I am terrified. I just want to send her to her room and not hear any of it but rather I try to explain to her that we do not yell at each other and that sometimes we don't always get what we want. I reluctantly will try to say "I am sorry that you feel so upset" but I don't always love saying that. This sounds horrible, but I feel like she is embracing the brat within and I feel a bit disgusted. Again, I know that this is normal, but it does not make it any easier. I just have to take a breath and remind myself not to engage with her because that gets us nowhere. Lately I have been grabbing her and holding her close so that she has a chance to settle down and focus on my words. I find that this works so well with both Sofia and Luca. If I pick them up and cradle them close to me, they seem to settle down and relax. I don't always feel like cuddling with them in the moment when Luca is spitting at me, but I know that holding them allows them to feel more grounded.
All of that said, I feel like there is always an ebb and flow in parenting. There are days where everyone is joyful and it seems manageable but there are also days where I feel so defeated. I guess I am comforted in the uncertainty of it all, starting each day with "I only have today and I can do this." It is such a simple statement, but I need to feel like I can do this and that just maybe, I can do it well. At least I know I am trying.

a day to revel in me

Mother's Day has never been so cherished, so important in my life as it is now. Motherhood is integrated into my person, my soul. I am a mother to three spirits who have graciously come into my life. Nobody can ever prepare you for the transition into motherhood. I knew all of the logistical changes but I could never have conceived of the shift at the core of my being. I care more about the mother I am to these children than I do anything else. I love any chance I get to talk about parenting styles, temperament, and discipline. I listen in on other mother's conversations about their children, looking for validation or even a tidbit of advice. This is most definitely the most challenging role I have ever taken on, but I am fuller, more grounded, and feel a more expansive field of light and love. This is the first year where I feel like this is my day. The sun is shining, there are two vases full of beautiful flowers on my counter, a hand made frame with this picture of my three gorgeous babies, and 3 small cards full of encouraging, glorious, and loving words from my husband. Today, I revel in this challenge, this opportunity, this most amazing journey.

Perserverance

We are still trying to Potty train Luca. It has been 6 months and it has been brutal. I had no idea that potty training could go on and on and on as it has. Maybe we pushed too hard but I thought he would catch on and feel motivated to use the potty on his own. Regardless of the reasons, he was not ready and it has not worked at all. After months of cleaning disgusting underwear, lots of plastic bags, and fear everywhere I would go, we decided to give up and put him back in diapers when he was not at school. I felt relief. Then he started to have accidents at school and his teachers call me after an hour to pick him up. So really, all of the pressure to potty train him has defeated the purpose. I wanted a bit of a break and some special time with Silvio, but now I am picking up Luca after an hour of school. He does not like to leave school and cries for an hour whimpering "I don't want to go home." He knows that if he has an accident, he has to go home, but it hasn't changed much. We haven't been putting much effort into the potty because I needed a break. I was so tired of the chaos, the smell, the stress, and the screaming. I just really could not take it anymore. Taking care of the needs of 3 children is a lot to handle, but taking care of 3 kids when one is pooping in his pants all if the time is just ridiculous. So we stopped pushing. I had a break and took a deep breath.
Last week, Brian and I decided that we needed to give him another push. We needed to try something different. We decided that we would have "naked day" with Daddy. Sofia, Silvio, and I headed to the East Bay to visit our dear friends Kristen and Annika and left Daddy and Luca naked at home. I bought tons of surprises and gifts for Luca for motivation, including a bug sticker book, a new truck, and a new lovie. We needed a new approach, a new strategy to tackle this bear of potty training the Lu. And it worked, although not as quickly as expected. When we got home around 3:30, Luca had not yet pooped and Brian was doubtful that it was gong to happen. Within a half hour of talking up Luca's big surprise (new lovie), Luca ran to the potty on his own and pooped. Brian and I cheered, jumped up and down, and gave Luca a ton of high-fives. I almost cried, I was so excited. Who knew that poop could ever bring me to joyful tears? He did it on his own. I was relieved, thrilled, and so happy for Luca. He loved his big surprise and we continued to talk about his amazing progress. He has done fairly well over the last 3 days with a few accidents here and there, but overall "naked day" was a huge success. I am glad we took a break to reevaluate our approach and I am glad that we gave Luca the opportunity to succede. Hopefully, we will continue to move forward and I will have one less diaper to change. I am hopeful.

Seriously

So this whole construction mayhem has turned me into a once-a-month or even less blogger. Our downstairs is literally a dirt pit, so we have no space for an office. Brian takes the laptop to work every day, so I am left without a computer. Poor me. I am planning on buying myself a laptop soon so that I can continue to blog about these three precious children that are changing and growing every second it seems. The past month has been full of changes in our home. Lots of conversations about design, construction, money, and time. Needless to say, it has been stressful, but we know that all of these changes will only make our home more comfortable and spacious which means everything to us right now! We now have 800 square feet for all five of us and three cats. Come on now. We are on top of each other and wake each other up constantly. Once we are done with all of the work, we will have on demand water, radiant heat, a master bedroom, a small office space, a sitting room, and a beautiful space in our backyard. YAY! We are really looking forward to expanding our home and a rest from the construction. We truly have done our fair share of owkr over the last five years. We have remodeled two homes, including kitchens and backyards. Although I love the designing process, I am ready to feel settled in my home for once.
The kids are so excited about their new space. Sofia wants to paint her room "tinkerbelle" which is a bright green and Luca wants to paint the boys' room black. That kids loves black. I told him that maybe we could do green and orange with a black stripe. It will be so great for our kids to actually own their space. Right now, Luca goes to bed in a crib in our room and is transferred to the other room around 10 pm. Sofia and Silvio go to sleep together in their room. It is quite a fiasco and I am looking forward to having our own room wihtout a crib in it. We have had a crib in our room since Sofia was born. Romantic, right? Thus is the life of parents. Your focus becomes sleep and rest for the entire family even if that means a crib in your room for years. I am hoping that this new space will be a retreat for me, for us. Maybe we will have a hot tub and can slip downstairs once the kids are down and enjoy some wine, a view, and eachother for an hour before we have to go to bed or a child wakes up. I am hopeful. I think that we all need a bit more space in this house, including the children. At the moment, Silvio is terribly interested in whatever Sofia and Luca are doing and seems to crawl his way into the middle of their "castle" and "ruin everything." The kids, especially Luca, yell at him so much and it breaks my heart. Maybe when we have more room, I can take Silvio away from their "castle" or "beach" or whatever it is they are creating in that moment, and we can have some time together. Silvio is in such a great place right now and I am, as usual, desparately trying to take it all in. He is communicating quite a bit with signs and sounds. He is not walking yet which is a little crazy at 15 months, but he is doing so many amazing things. I don't think he'll be crawling in college, so I'm not worried. He is doing everything in his own nug time. I am grateful for that. I hope that we get through this construction as quickly as possible so that we can settle into our little home and take a deep breath. And maybe I will have a laptop soon so that I can blog more often. Seriously.

Lovin' the Sun

For some reason, this winter felt especially long and dreary. So as spring has come upon us, we are heading out into the sunshine every chance we get. Our children love to run around outside and we love how tired they are when we come home. One of our favorite weekend activities is going down to San Mateo to visit Auntie Steffie and Dave. They have a wonderful back yard where the kids can run around freely and we can hang out and have some margaritas! We headed down there yesterday afternoon and has such a wonderful time. My sister had decided to pick up our old hula hoops from my mom's house. My mother actually kept our original hula hoops. All of us decided to give it a whirl and found ourselves laughing on the floor. Watching Dave and Brian attempt the hula hoop is even difficult to describe. Tears were rolling down my face from the laughter and it felt amazing. My mother and I had a contest at one point. Sofia and Luca tried so hard to hula hoop but could not quite get the hip motion down. I, on the other hand, had it down. I was trying all my old tricks. Girl can still shake it! We had such a great time and so did the kids. I wish we would get together every weekend, but every body gets busy in our busy lives. The simplicity of family, good food, and some fun makes for a perfect afternoon. I hope that we continue to make time for impromptu family gatherings so the my kids continue to experience that pure love and joy that comes from family. There is a connection that we can only truly experience within our family; one that is rooted in history and spirit.
I grew up with a great sense of family, fostered by my parents and my grandparents. I spent a lot of time with my Nonna and Nonno and learned so much about my heritage. I would never have lived in Italy, had the connection with my Italian relatives, or learned the language if I did not have my Nonna's encouragement. She sent me to Italy by my self at 18 to spend time with some of my relatives and I began to learn the language. Then, Brian and I lived there for a year which only deepened my connection to my heritage. Brian and I have been back several times and often discuss the possibility of living there some time with our family. Now that I am a citizen (along with Sofia and Luca), we can actually begin to entertain the idea. I want Sofia, Luca, and Silvio to feel connected to their heritage not only because we gave them Italian names, but because it is an integral part of our lives. I know that spending time together as a family is part of connecting to our Italian culture. The simple time we spend together gives our children a fundamental sense of identity and connection. So, I am excited as we head into spring and summer and we can continue to revel in the sun and each other.