Pig Tails

What is it about little girls with pig tails that makes them so darling? If I could, I would put Sofia's hair in pig tails every day because it just about melts my heart. Unfortunately, Sofia does not like anything in her hair and will only let me put it up every so often. About ten minutes after I finish meticulously parting her hair and putting it into perfect little pig tails, she will rip out the rubber bands because it is not "tight enough." For some reason, girlfriend has to have the rubber bands in super tight or she freaks out. She is very particular about certain things. She will always ask me, "Mommy, do I look beautiful?" and of course, I tell her she is amazingly beautiful, no matter what. She is obsessed with princesses, and sometimes I fear that she is beginning to focus on the importance of being beautiful in order to be successful. I am probably overreacting, but I do worry about the influence of images of beauty that surround us (and the misconception of what and where true beauty is...). She does love to watch movies about princesses which I swore I would never do, but with three kids, I have let go of my boundaries and I have given in on some level to her preference for everything girlie. She talks about lipstick (chap stick) and make-up even though I do not wear either but once a week, if that. I have talked to so many other mothers who have experienced the same thing with their daughters and we agree that there is only so much we can control with our children. Not to say that I am not taking responsibility for exposing her to Cinderella and Ariel, but I do feel like she is inherently obsessed with everything sparkly. At bed time, she loves to sing us a song. She makes us get in to bed with her and lay down while she sits up, pats her leg and sings loudly. She usually sings a song that goes something like this: "Sparkly princess with make-up and lipstick, she loves to go dancing and flip, flip." She has recently discovered the ability to rhyme, hence the nonsensical nature of her song. She will go on and on some nights and then will abruptly lay down and ask "Mommy did you like my song? Now sing 'Scarborough Fair' please." Then I sing softly to her and try to leave the room with Luca yelling at me. Sofia is so sweet at night with her silly songs and tight squeezes. She is so cuddly and loving, I could just lay there all night. Those darn pig tails; I swear she could do anything and get away with it. If only she had figured that out. For now I'll keep that to myself (and on the blog.)

Spiritual Teachers

The other day I had a few minutes to kill before my dentist appointment; a welcomed free moment in my life. I decided to drop into a book store and browse. I was not looking for anything in particular but found myself in the parenting section, of course. I stood there for quite a while skimming the titles, mostly on pregnancy and child birthing (we all know I don't need any of those books) and was about to leave when a small, little, yellow book grabbed my attention. I pulled out "The Seven Spiritual Laws for Parents" by Deepak Chopra and opened it up. I read about two sentences and walked straight to the register. I am constantly grappling with how to be the best mother to these three amazing children and feel like I am always in need of reaasurance, guidance, support, and direction. I love to find new approaches, new ways of thinking about motherhood and parenting.

I started to read the book a few days ago. I even brought the book to a cafe last night and went back over the first few sections with a notebook in hand while I sipped a glass of wine. In my free time away from the kids, I am reading a parenting book. You never can stop being a mother, they say. Anyway, I wanted to remember and remind myself of some of the concepts in the book. After the first few pages, I decided to write my first note: "The deepest nurturing you can give your child is spiritual nurturing." Am I giving these children a sense of spirituality? I am not sure and that is a problem. Okay, note taken. I need to work on that. I wne to on to read about punitive punishment and how it "emphasizes moral dilemmas that you haven't solved for yourself." So do I have some unresolved issues? I guess we all do on some level, but I know that I clearly have some parenting issues that need to be sorted out. We definitely use the "time-out" and feel like it does not work, especially with Luca. I have been trying to figure out what to do with Luca since he has a hard time listening and seems unbothered by the threat of a time-out. After reading this the other day, I decided to try a new approach to discipline with Luca. He and Sofia were playing and it somehow escalated into an argument and Luca hit Sofia. Rather than giving him an immediate time-out with no explanation, I decided to take him out of the room and talk to him. As soon as I picked him up, he instantly began to scream and cry but slowly calmed down once I sat with him on th floor. I talked to him about how we don't hurt other people's bodies and he agreed with me and said with a pathetic voice, "okay, mommy." He was calm, I was calm. This was nice. Sometimes, I struggle in the moment to stay composed when all the kids are screaming and the energy is escalated. I am very sensitive to chaotic energy and easily feel anxious and upset which the children sense immediately. This new approach felt so much better than a typical time-out with lots of screaming and loud voices. I like this little yellow book.
Next I write down "Show only love, be only love" which Deepak Chopra describes as the "one sentence for parenting." I need to read that every single day. I tell all three kids that I love at least ten times a day, but I know that my frustration and exhaustion surface and cloud my ability to be loving. It is even hard for me to be honest about how much I struggle with being patient and calm. I have talked to my close friends about this and I am often told "you have three small children and that is so hard!" I am well aware of how incredibly difficult it is to take care of three small children without much help, but I never feel like it is an excuse. I want more than anything to be a source of love, support, and understanding to these little beings and I sometimes fail at that. Boy, this is hard to write. I love to read books like this, so that I can find new ways to approach the awesome job of mothering. I know that being truthful about the struggle is part of the healing. I am simply trying to surround myself with words, thoughts, feelings that remind me of the power of parenting. Not only are we as parents, powerful spiritual teachers but we are students of our children. They are the true teachers of love in this world with their ability to see the inherent beauty in all people and all things. I know that I have learned more about myself and my place in this universe since I became a mother. I also know that I have never spent more time analyzing my own person and each and every relationship in my life. I am learning so much from this experience of motherhood because I have the three greatest teachers in the world.

Missing

As we begin to finally paint our little home and I am thinking about what we are going to put on the walls, I am looking back over pictures of us. I want to fill the walls with pictures that remind us of times in our lives that made us take a breath. I love to surround myself with the moments we wish we could just sneak back to for just a second to feel, smell, be in that place again. I went downstairs to pull up some pictures of the Duomo in Florence that we took on our trip in the fall of 2006. Of course, I could not stop looking at pictures of Sofia who was 21 months and Luca who was about Silvio's age. I just can't believe how much they have changed in such a short time. Brian and I watched a short video of Sofia and tears just poured down my face. She was a baby, babbling and toddling as she walked. Now she is a little girl who talks about her feelings and tries to help mommy take care of Silvio. I just want to slip back to that moment on the train in the picture where she just sat on that fold out bench and gazed out the door as the Italian countryside slipped by. I want to twirl those sweet curls and smell salty skin. My first little baby is growing up so fast. At bed time the other night, Sofia caressed my face and ran her hands through my hair. She then pulled me in to a tight squeeze and whispered, "I love you, Mommy." I just wanted to stay there forever. I hope that reveling in the moment as long as I can will allow me to remember the feeling. I know these moments are fleeting, but I look forward to all of the delicious snuggles and whispered words ahead.

Resemblance

I think it is amazing how my children all seem to resemble each other yet look do different. So many people have varying opinions about who looks like who in our family, but I am amazed at how each and every child emerges so differently because they are such unique souls. The way Sofia gazes off with her big, brown eyes that just pierce you. I just know she is so incredibly wise, true to her name. The way that Luca scrunches up his nose when he laughs, bursting with joy and light. Silvio, with his sweet smile is so excited by the world around him. He is full of awe and tenderness. Each little being may come from us, but will take on this world with his or her own extraordinary way.

Tough Times

We are having horrible bed time battles. At one time, I used to walk out of the bedroom with a sweet and soft "good night" and I would not see their darling faces until morning. We could not be any further from that. Once Luca started to climb out of his crib (and cut open his chin one time), we were forced to move him to a toddler bed, better known as his "big boy bed." Well, I think we should call it the "run back and forth to the door bed." That is what Luca does every night usually whining a "I need something" as he darts back to his bed. He plays this game with us for up to 2 hours. It is brutal. All I want is an end time to my day. Needless to say, this stay-at-home-with-three-kids job is pretty darn tough and I am just exhausted and in dire need of some time with my own person. And I am not getting much of that at all these days. We have become angry and taken things away and we have been extremely calm and silent while putting him back in his bed. Nothing seems to work. I know that boys are kinetic, that he may be going through some sort of developmental thing. I just want it over. A few months ago, we decided to put Luca down in our room, in the other crib. That definitely worked for a while, but we need our room for the Nug, so it was never a long term solution. Oh the woes of living in a 900 square-foot house with three kids. Yes, I do think that separate bedrooms would solve this issue on some level, but that is a useless thought. I dream sometimes of that third bedroom or that garage that can actually accommodate a minivan, but I am unwilling to give up a life in the city. No way Jose; we love it here. So we will get through the struggle of our small space and a tiny bedroom that will soon fit all three kids. That is the plan, but I have this crazy feeling the Nug might just be in our room for a while. Just a hunch. For now, I am frustrated and done. Luca is giving us some crap right now and I know this stuff is everchanging but sometimes when you are so deep in it, it is hard to see out of it. He is whining, screaming, tantruming all of the time. I know, he is acting exactly like a two-and-a-half-year-old, but that does not make it any easier. I just want to walk out of the room and shut the door and breath a huge sigh of relief, knowing that my day is over. Now I walk out and wage my bets on how many times I will shut that door for the following hour or two. Sometimes it is five times, sometimes twenty. Nobody said having three kids in four years would be easy. It is not even remotely easy, but ya just do it. Every day. I get up and do it. I just hope that end part of my day gets simpler. At least I know Luca won't be doing this when he is 15, right? Phew.

Zoo Adventures

My in-laws came out to visit and to be here for Steffie's wedding. It was so nice to see them and for the kids to spend some time with Grammie and Grandpa. We decided to go to the Zoo one morning and Rich and Robiny were so kind as to buy us a membership. Yay! The kids loved seeing the giraffes and gorillas especially. They were most excited about the carousel and Sofia was delighted that she got to ride a kitty, her favorite. Luca is happy to ride a "horsie that goes up and down." The kids seemed to loose interest fairly quickly, so we need to go back to see the rest of the zoo. We had a wonderful time and are thrilled that we can now go back whenever we like (thank you Grammie and Grandpa!). We are so sad that they live far away but look forward to our next visit!

Boys

My mother-in-law, Robiny came to visit us recently. During that time, we tried to split the kids up a bit so that they could have more one-on-one time with us. One day, while I was off swimming with Kristen and Annika, Brian and Robiny took the boys on a cable car. Luca loves cable cars and talk about riding them often. They had a great time. I love seeing all of "my boys" together. It is so amazing that Brian has these two sweet boys who look up to him. Luca absolutely loves his daddy and always wants to do what he is doing. Silvio will try to catch Brian's attention from across the room and lights up like I've never seen him when daddy is around. Well, I am not surprised since Brian is the most incredible father I know. We are all so lucky.