Sugar Girl

Sofia loves everything sweet. She is incredibly picky with all other food, but she will always eat a cupcake, chocolate, candy, or ice cream. My dear friend Kristen's daughter, Annika is just the same. One time while we were over Kristen's, I heard Annika say " I'm a sugar girl!" Kristen and I just laughed and I asked Sofia, "are you my sugar girl?" and she squealed "yes!" So I have been calling Sofia a sugar girl since that day and it could not be more true. If she hears the word cupcake, her eyes light up and she begins to jump up and down. At least I have some bargaining power when I need it! We try not to have any sweets in the house, but I can always get her to do something if there is a treat involved. One time a while back my sister offered her some chocolate and Sofia gobbled it up. Now, every time we go to my sister's house, Sofia immediately says, "Aunite Steffie, I think that there might be some chocolate for me, son't you?" My sister and I always giggle and Sofia always gets a piece of chocolate. When she eats her sugar, she goes into another place as if she is in total extasy. I only wish I could get her to feel the same way about any vegetable! We have to resort to spelling anything that Sofia might just hear from across the house. You would be amazed at how well she can hear the word, "cake." That is my little sugar girl.

Growing Up

The Schnug is growing up. I guess that's what happens to our babies. With Silvio, I am trying desperately to hold on to every single snuggle, hand squeeze, and squeal because he is our baby. When Sofia was a baby, I was learning the ropes of motherhood, trying to figure out how to take care of a little being. Just when I was getting used to being a "mommy" I found out I was pregnant with Luca. Luca was born when Sofia was only 14 months old, so I had two babies. I felt like we were just trying to get through the days with the two so close together. Then there came number three. The night before I found out I was pregnant with Silvio, Brian and I went out to dinner at our favorite restaurant. Over a bottle of wine and amazing food, we talked about how we both felt like we wanted to have a third child. The next morning I woke up with a strange feeling that I might be pregnant. Two minutes later, a second stripe appeared. There you go; put it out there in the universe and it comes back. We still don't completely understand how I got pregnant. I just know that his soul was waiting to grace our family. I am truly taking it all in. I know how to be a mom and I am familiar with all of the ins and outs of taking care of a baby, so now I can just eat it all up. I am trying to be conscious of all the tiny changes that Silvio encounters. He is constantly moving forward and continuing to become more and more independent. The other day, he reached for his bottle as I was feeding him, and held on with both hands. I sat there useless as my little Schnug fed himself. I felt a bit emotional, since that time has always been so precious, so sweet and now he is wanting to hold the bottle himself. I was merely a soft lap for support. He is feeding himself all sorts of food including pears, crackers, pasta, banana, and peas. Silvio loves to eat (evident in the immense amount of chunk on his tiny body) and thoroughly enjoys the ability to feed himself. It is amazing to watch him become increasingly less dependent on us. It is bittersweet to see my little baby, my Shnugums, growing up. This is life.

Planetaria

Sofia loves to make a "planetaria." I don't know where she got the idea to start to arrange her things and create a special space. She sometimes calls it her "planet" but mostly uses this word that is a cross between planetarium and planet. She will lay a blanket down and neatly fold other blankets over and then places her special things on the blanket. She often will uses a chair or table to definite the space. Sofia spends hours arranging and rearranging her tiny stones, bracelets, pennies, chapsticks (she calls them "lipsticks"), candles, and various other treasures. She usually is wearing her crown, a few necklaces, and some other various adornments. She must always accessorize ( that is definitely not from me!). When she feels like she has her things in the perfect place she will find me and say, "mom you have to come into my Planetaria!" She tells me that this is a "special planetaria, just for the girls." She will then begin to explain which treasures I am allowed to touch and which I must leave alone. Sofia is very specific about her things and likes everything to be in order. I wonder where she gets that from. I love how she is creating space, using her imagination and her things. Sofia amazes me with her incredible attention to detail. She truly takes the time to make sure everything is just perfect and has an detailed explanation for why she out each thing in its place. Sometimes I wish I could escape to her planetaria.

Sweet Nothings

Just yesterday, Luca and I were nuzzling while he was eating. He thought it was a game, but I was really trying to get all of the snuggles I could get. I think that might be what gets me through my days: the kisses and hugs and nuzzles from these 3 children. Sofia is the most lovey child and is always happy to give me a squeeze whenever I ask for one. Thank God. She loves affection and even curls herself up in my arms as if she were a baby. She lets me kiss her neck and hold her tight. She is my love child. Silvio has even begun to play a snuggle game with Brian. Every morning, I wake Brian up by putting Silvio on the bed next to him. Brian puts his head on Silvio's lap and Silvio then leans into him and screeches. It is ridiculously cute. Of course, I had to get in on the Schnug love, so I now will lay next to him and he will giggle and lean over me. He is so sweet and I am milking every single snuggle opportunity out of his helplessness. Then there is my sweet middle child. It is incredibly difficult to get Luca to give a hug. If I ask him directly, he runs in the other direction. So I am constantly trying to play some sort of game with him where I can sneak in a hug or a snuggle. He does give hugs and kisses when he feels like it, but he won't necessarily give love when asked. So, during our nuzzling "game" yesterday, we were rubbing noses and I then went in for a neck kiss. Luca leaned into me and whispered, "I love you, Mommy." Brian was sitting next to us and we immediately looked at each other. As I responded to Luca, my eyes filled. I think that was the sweetest nothing that has ever been whispered to me.

Listening

We went 8 days without the binky. I tend to be somewhat extreme with decisions like this and tow the hard line. So once we gave up the binky, I thought that we could just plow through and Luca would eventually move beyond. Well, the naps have been a huge battle. It is has been horrible. Lots of taking things away, time outs, and yelling. Luca is a tough kid and does not make discipline simple. I realized that the binky is a sleep cue for him; that it settles him. Without the binky, he has been manic, running around, growling, and gong through all of our things on our dressers. He dumped everything out of my jewelry box and then broke a piece of it. The last few days, I have been feeling like this is not worth it. I just thought that after a week or so, Luca would be used to life without the binkies, but in actuality, it has only become worse. He is more sleep deprived than ever because he has not napped in 8 days and has not made up for any of the sleep at night. Today, Luca was particularly upset when I put him down for his nap. He was wailing and was inconsolable. I felt like this was torture and began to wonder why we were doing this to him right now. Maybe he is not ready to let go of the binky. Maybe I'm not ready either. Sometimes, I get caught between doing what we are "supposed" to do according to pediatricians, books, and the general population of mothers and doing what is right for the child. Today, I felt like I was infringing pain on my child. Luca was so incredibly sad and I knew that a tiny piece of plastic was just the thing that could turn him around. I called our pediatrician's office and spoke with the Nurse who is awesome. She tends to be a bit more on the organic side of parenting and affirmed everything that I was feeling. She did recommend to limit his use of the binky which I thought was a great idea. I was running downstairs as we were getting of the phone to the bin of old bottles and binkies. I pulled out the orange binky (Luca's favorite) and washed it so that it would squeak (he loves that). I ran into his room and held it up. He immediately smiled and said with pure joy "my binky!" He put it in his mouth and before I closed the door he was sucking furiously and almost asleep. Complete affirmation. As a mother, I am constantly making decisions for these three little beings. Of course, I try to balance advice from the doctor, what I hear from others and read, and my own intuition. Today, Luca's sorrow was palpable and I knew that I could fix it so easily. If only all of my kid's problems were that simple. At least I know that listening might just be enough sometimes.

Bye Bye Binky

For some insane reason the other day, I told Luca that I would throw out his binkies if he could not stay in his time out. Brian scowled at me from across the room and I knew in that moment that I had made a huge mistake. Of course, he ignored my threat and I was forced to throw his binkies away. Unfortunately, half of discipline is following through so the binkies went into the trash. So we decided to dive in. We knew that this 3rd birthday was the impending day of loosing the bink (not good for his teeth), but we weren't quite ready for the withdrawl this soon. If there were some sort of "Binkies Annonymous," Luca would lead the chapter. He not only sucks on the bink to fall asleep, he plays with them as if they are stuffed animals. He cherishes his binkies, places them delicately in his trucks and cars and drives them around. So the immediacy of the loss sent him into a horrible place. At bedtime, Brian continued to comfort him through his continuous whining, "I need my binkies." He soon fell asleep and we were thrilled. We knew it could not possibly be that easy. we were right. The next day at nap time the whining began and soon he was hysterical, screaming about his binkies. We took turns helping him through it and he fell asleep after about 20 trips into the room and 2 hours. This has continued for the last 4 days and it has been brutal. Today, I was tempted to give in because I am desparate for a break from his withdrawl. Luca has always been a consistent napper and he now is fighting his sleep with a newly discovered enthusiasm. I realize that the binky is his major sleep cue and now he does not know how to calm himself and fall asleep on his own. I knew that this would be hard but I never imagined that it would be so intense and so grueling. I am also a bit nostalgic for the image of my little Luca with the bink in his mouth. It was such a part of his comforting throught his life. My little boy is growing up and we both are learning to let go. Apparently I was a "nuky" girl as well, so I have always had this special connection to Luca's love for the pacifier. I know that he will get through all of this soon enough. I'll remmber all of those nights when I would check on Luca and he was sleeping peacefully and all I could hear was that sucking sound. As gross as it may sound, I will even cherish the smell of saliva in his neck from all of the slobbering while sucking on that thing. Those sounds and smells of my baby boy who is growing up faster than I know.